in and out.

My office and my house can never be clean simultaneously. I have no idea why this is, but it drives me mad.
Right now, my office is pristine. I am caught up and organized (possibly the first time since before my wedding) and I even got around to hanging up those pictures of John and I from a year and a half ago.
Reminding me that I need some updated pictures… But first things first!
Now about my house… (Please insert frightened shudder here)….
My bed is not made. There are clothes all over the floor. Dishes in the sink. Cat hair on the floor. And so much dust I’m ashamed.
I know my messiness bothers John, but he’s sweet and will do the laundry without telling me, and especially without me having to ask. He’ll load the dishwasher and won’t forget to turn it on. He’ll straighten all of my piles of unidentified magazines and pieces of mail that I insist on keeping until I can go through them. And he’ll hint at what he wants me to do by saying “I’m going to try to clean the house tonight…” as we’re eating our rushed breakfast in the morning. Although maybe he’s not really hinting, and maybe he actually is planning on cleaning, with – or without – my help. Anyways, I have a lovely husband. And I often forget to thank him or tell him the things I appreciate about him, or that he does for me.
I also have a problem of playing stupid, feminine mind games with him. If something upsets me, I wallow in it.
As much as I try not to let it, it consumes me. And I will stay that way for at least a little while. Meanwhile, I’ll come up with the most perfect conversation in my head – as to what John will come in and say to me to make me feel better. When he doesn’t produce the said dialogue and instead decides to improvise (without even knowing the given lines, mind you), I get even more upset. I realize this is not fair and yet I can’t stop thinking about how silly boys are not to pick up on this! Even after a year and a half! Oh well. I have a feeling that this is one of the main causes of lesbianism… Although I am way too attracted to the male physique to ever weigh that option. And I love my husband too much. So that just wouldn’t work.
I am constantly amazed at the differences between men and women. Constantly.
And despite our best efforts, men will never be women. Thank goodness, really.
And at the end of the day, when I want a back rub or someone to play with my hair… or to talk about nothing for an hour before I fall asleep. Or to kiss just for the sake of kissing (okay, this is a rare one – even for me)… and I look over at John, who has fallen asleep after about 2.5 seconds of his head being on the pillow… I am perplexed all over again… And I realize I will never – ever – understand silly boys.
And they will probably never understand us needy girls.

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About Rachel Halsey

i'm like a faucet that leaks, but there is comfort in the sound.

2 responses to “in and out.

  1. thahalsey

    this is a condition humans will be with for eternity. you forgot to mention all of the times you have rubbed my shoulders, feet, … ;)

    i love you!

  2. I think the world could use way more Rachels and Johns…you are both good souls.

    Also, we need a phone date as soon as life allows us, missy. That, or we really do need to figure out some loophole in a space-time continuum or something so we can see each other way more often….

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