i know it’s monday, but today feels especially slow and methodical.
i just want to go outside and walk around… and pretend like i live in a big city where i don’t know anyone and they don’t know a thing about me, either.
i want new friends, a new job, and a new hair color.
i want new habits and new hobbies and no pets.
i want a studio apartment with no strings attached.
i want to drink coffee or vodka all day long and paint and write and work in a book or a record store.
i want to wear my glasses and no makeup and scarves and hats even in the summer. i want people to wonder who i am and i want boys to ask for my number only i’ll always say “i don’t think my husband would appreciate that” with a little grin and they’ll watch me walk away
and wonder why they hadn’t met me earlier.

i think in a way everybody wants this. maybe a few different details here and there, but the the same thing overall.
everyone wants to run away from their past.
or someone else’s past.
everyone wants to start over… in a big city where everything is new and nobody has an accent, including you.
everyone wants to sell everything they own and simplify, only no one really knows how they would survive without “stuff”.

i’m tired of being so tired. i’m sick of being homesick.
i don’t really want new friends, because i love my friends…
i guess i just want a new me. a better me. a happier me. a “moved on” me.
yes, that is what i want… 
and i still want everything to feel the same between us…
from in the beginning.

all these thoughts because of this from here:


About Rachel Halsey

i'm like a faucet that leaks, but there is comfort in the sound.

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