the trees are skeletons

cold days

colder nights

the wind is whistling louder than before… i listen

my heart is still heavy

i am always cold

the trees are skeletons and i smile at the irony of my similar heart:
bones of protection around something somehow still beating…

pushing me onward to something

anything

nostalgic.

Everything feels bitter-sweet.
After two and a half years… I am leaving Greenville, South Carolina and moving back home to New Hampshire.
I am thrilled about the opportunities that lie ahead for both John and myself… professional-wise, personal-wise, and business-wise. Things have fallen into place almost effortlessly and after countless prayers and long discussions about life and plans – we couldn’t be happier. Well. I guess we would be happier if we weren’t leaving behind so many fabulous friends and faces and memories.

In the past two and a half years… I have fallen in love and married my best friend:

I met and made amazing, unbelievable friends that I hope will last forever:



I started a business and have watched it flourish in a blessed way:

I became a “mom”:


I have lived on my own (with my sweet hubby) in many different places.
I am sad to think that after this weekend, I will never walk up these front steps again…

I won’t get to experience this goodness on a weekly basis (although I’m sure my pants will thanks me):

To think that my lovely little living room has gone from this –

to this –

kind of makes me want to cry…

But above all – I hope that each of you knows how much you have meant to me over these past years. You will always have a place to stay up north :)

And so I shall go back to packing….

Isaiah 48:10

Do you ever think about life? About your lungs filling up with air and then letting it back out… in and out… in and out?
Do you ever think about how you see things in a way that no one else ever will?
I do.
Sometimes I try to be very still so that I can listen to the air. Whenever we are quiet enough – something is always being said.
I am not quiet often enough.
Do you ever think about your heart? About the way it aches and sinks and hurts?
Or what about the way it fills up with happiness, joy, and love?
I do.
Sometimes I think about my heart and I am overwhelmed. I have so much in there.
So much love and excitement… and so much hurt and ache.
Do you ever think about people? The way each one of us is unique and annoying and wonderful, all at the same time?
I do.
I think about you and you and you… I think about co-workers, friends, family, and the person driving in the car next to mine.
What goes on in their heart (and I mean what really goes on)?
My mind is a constant whirlwind of ideas and desires and hateful thoughts.
I am discontent more often than thankful for all that I have.
I guess because I am aware of this I better change it. Or rather, ask that it be changed.
Change.
I have a to-do list for my mind.
love more. hate less. be thankful. be hopeful. work hard. help people. encourage.
Or maybe that’s a to-do list for my heart.
Either way, I am small and broken and need a lot of help.
Help that doesn’t come from medicine or a giant band-aid.
I need help in the form of strength that isn’t my own.
I want to immerse myself in prayers and love and thanksgiving to my God – the only one who knows what is really in my heart and mind.
And somehow loves me anyways.
I feel so small and insignificant when I think about life and hearts and people.
I am such a small speck in this giant piece of artwork that God is constantly making more beautiful.
And then when I think about what I am capable of changing – only myself – I feel like a much bigger speck.
My refining will never even be close to finished.
But I continue to hope and love and pray that one day – maybe – I will look in the mirror and be proud of who I am and who I am becoming.
And I will look at you – and love.

cough cough hack cough

i am home sick.
i hate taking sick days – i would so much rather save them up and spend three solid weeks on an island somewhere.
oh well. i suppose there’s always next year.
i went to the doctor all by myself this morning and i have to admit – i’m pretty proud of that.
whoo! one step closer to being a real adult!

i’m tired but can’t sleep. i feel like i go so long without writing and then – out of nowhere – i want to write every thought that is in my head down at once. my mind goes a million miles a second and i can’t figure out where to begin.

{btw – i would kill my friends if they nominated me to be on what not to wear – stacy is a bitch!}

i can’t believe it is 2010. i feel like this is going to be a major year. i don’t know why. 2010 just sounds so epic ;)

i miss my husband today. i like snuggling with him when i don’t feel well. he is always warm and smells so good. i need to be better about telling him how meaningless my life would be without him.
he really is my best friend and the other half of my heart.

do you ever start thinking about the people you love and you feel overwhelmed? love makes me ache sometimes. like in a dull, slow, intense way. i think you know how much you love someone by thinking about how you would feel if they didn’t love you back. if you know you would still love them in an ache-y kind of way – it’s probably for real.

i want more real love in my life.

holly jolly. yeah.

we did something fun this weekend. and definitely for the first time in our relationships life :)


we have a lot of vintage ornaments that belonged to my great grandmother. these are my favorites:

was this written for us?

Don’t you worry there my honey
We might not have any money But we’ve got our love to pay the bills
Maybe I think you’re cute and funny
Maybe I wanna do what bunnies do with you if you know what I mean
Oh lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I
Well you might be a bit confused And you might be a little bit bruised
But baby how we spoon like no one else
So I will help you read those books If you will soothe my worried looks
And we will put the lonesome on the shelf
Lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I
Lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I

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sunday afternoons

are meant for spending with friends
are meant for crisp weather
are meant for long, lazy hours
are meant for pretending we’re somewhere else
are meant for secrets
are meant for playing dress up
are meant for laughing
are meant for eating more than we should
are meant for golden lighting
are meant for using coupons… confusingly
are meant for lessons
are meant for wine instead of grape juice
are meant for holding still
are meant for red lipstick and pink cheeks
are meant for capturing
are meant for remembering… and loving
are meant for making sure they don’t disappear with the sun

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IMG_4095these days were meant for us

<3

this has become one of my new favorite websites.
i want john and i to start writing each other a note – any type of note – once a day…
in fact – john may have inspired this idea by leaving me a note and some fresh flowers on the newly cleaned kitchen counter last night.
(he loves me)
maybe we’ll keep them in a journal… or a notebook… or even on scraps of cardboard or napkins in a shoebox.
i have so many things i want to write to him;
i will keep you posted.

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so ready…

it’s been over two years since our last family vacation.
i couldn’t be more ready to leave this city and spend a week doing nothing but talking to my parents… sleeping with my hubby… playing with my little sister’s hair… taking pictures… and being immersed in a pool of love and hugs and grace and, of course, some good ‘ole oliver humor ;)
i will never be ready to come back…
but i know that we are about to make some memories that i will cherish forever, as i have with the ones from years ago.
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i love my life

and my husband.

for texting me a picture of him wearing my favorite shirt of his:
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of course, i had to say thank you:
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last night before we fell asleep, we were having a very un-romantic conversation (the topic of which i will spare you from knowing)… but john ended the conversation simply saying “aw, baby… i just always want you to be yourself.”
and i knew that he meant it.
and i can’t think of anything more lovely… than being able to be completely comfortable, completely yourself, and completely silly around the person you love.

and it’s always a nice gesture to where that shirt that you know they love.

perhaps tonight i’ll wear that tank top to bed that john likes so much
(TMI alert!)
=P

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